Come to think of it, how many of us are really "grown up?" Saint Paul must have recognized that a person, on having reached the age of adulthood, is not necessarily grown up in the sense that he is mentally mature, for paraphrased, did not the great Saint write "When I was a child I did and acted as a child, but when I became an adult I put away childish behavior and acted as a mature person."

Looking around one, and at ourselves too, one finds indeed very few who conduct themselves as fully matured individuals after having attained the years of adulthood, and this statement will find support in what follows. The subject matter will be dealt with under these headings: OBJECTIVITY-EGOCENTRICITY, TENSION CAPACITY, SUBJECT-OBJECT.

OBJECTIVITY-EGOCENTRICITY:

Let me explain what is meant by "objectivity:" a boy on overhearing his mother saying she would very much like to have a certain gadget made for the kitchen, at once sets about construct­ing such a gadget. He is greatly interested in the preparations and especially in the work on the thing itself. He undertakes the job with zest.

Now, a young pal is watching him with some envy for he greatly covets the praise that is meted out to the busy lad by some of his parents' friends who see how deftly the youngster uses his hands. The latter, however, is in no way distracted from the work in hand by the pleasing remarks. The other boy can no longer stand hearing this praise, so butts in exclaiming that he too, can make a gadget and a much better one at that, which indeed may be true, and soon proceeds to do so, but—and please note this—from an entirely different motive from that which moved boy number one to make something that his mother would find useful.

The first boy's action is objective, that is; he works objectively for the objective purpose of doing something practical for his mother, whereas the second boy, whilst working somewhat object­ively is doing so for a purely egocentric reason viz: so that he may gain greater praise for HIMSELF begrudging it to his friend.

In writing this the thought has just occurred to me that one should never, never praise the CHILD, but what he does, what he accomplishes. His attention will then not be drawn to his own ego, but to the actual WORK done by him, in which he will take more interest and try to excel. He is thus being trained in object­ivity, so that he becomes less and less egocentric, which is a centering upon the self.

The awarding of prizes, in schools especially, is really not a very good plan, is it? The prize is the goal not the actual accom­plishment which might merit the award. One works in order to gain a prize, the work to be done is merely incidental to that achievement, and not for the objective purpose of eventually being of service to the community.

Children are really trained in egocentricity. How many times a day can be heard: "You NAUGHTY child, you NAUGHTY little thing!" The attention of the child is drawn to ITSELF and not to the wrong committed. It is the THING DONE that is naughty, and it is just THIS the child should be made aware of, OBJECTIVELY observing it. It should also be explained to the child, whenever this may be necessary, WHY it is naughty for him to do such a thing. It is but natural that the child should be ego­centric, and the younger he is the more egocentricity does he dis­play, but as he grows older this must become less through training, otherwise he is going to have a very hard time of it in his adult life.

Unfortunately, observation of one's fellow-men reveals that perhaps the majority of them are more egocentric than objective, and although they may appear to act—and indeed do act—object­ively, they are all the time doing so for egocentric reasons. Hence it follows that when undertaking anything, we should be quite clear as to our real motives, not sheltering behind any activity that is apparently objective in its aim, when it but serves to advance our own ego or importance.

The main thing is to be absolutely honest with oneself so as to avoid the hypocrisy that is unconsciously wrapped up in the apparent objectivity which, however, is used for egocentric ends. The person who does a thing with his tongue in his cheek is at least honest with HIMSELF.

Objectivity can serve egocentric purposes, but egocentricity can never serve objective aims for the good of the community. What good that might arise is purely incidental, and is not directly due to objective action for the objective purpose of trying to achieve it. For instance, a guest, who is an accomplished pianist, is invited to play at a private party, declares that she cannot play a note this evening. We have met this kind before. Her egocen­tricity thoroughly enjoys being pressed aloud by her hostess, and then "succumbs" to the popular pressure of the guests present by at last sitting down at the piano. Her rendition of the piece is brilliant, and she revels in the well deserved applause that follows. She certainly behaved objectively in the execution of her art, but does she, in this particular instance, give her performance mainly to bestow pleasure upon her listeners or solely for the purpose of getting the limelight on herself personally, just using the occasion to satisfy her egocentric needs.

Now, of course, we must not enter into any analysis of the MOTIVE of any artist when listening to or seeing his performance. We must give ourselves up to the enjoyment of it. The motive, in such an instance, is of no consequence to us, but it is, or should be, a matter of real concern to the artist himself, for if he be pre­dominantly objective in his exposition with the objective purpose of affording the greatest possible pleasure to his audience, then he himself will derive the greater satisfaction, which in turn, can result in greater achievement.

The word "predominant" has been used advisedly here for the reason no one can possibly be wholly objective in his conduct, neither would it be desirable if it were possible. It is essential and expedient that we should possess some degree of egocentricity. Without a little centering upon oneself one could become neglectful of personal appearances for example, and a state of indifference could arise. A certain amount of pride in one's person and in one's talents and accomplishments is indeed necessary and justifiable, but for the attainment of a fuller, happier and healthier life of all concerned, we must be predominantly objective—otherwise we lack consideration for others.

TENSION CAPACITY

Tension capacity in an individual is the ability to sustain tension, in time, between a need and its satisfaction. This capacity to bear tension until the need can be satisfied, indicates the extent the adult has "grown up." Let me clarify this: the baby is con­scious of hunger, and immediately he becomes aware of his need, he cannot wait a second before it is attended to. He yells and keeps on yelling until he is put to his mother's breast or is given the bottle. Here there is no tension capacity at all, and no one does, or can, expect it at that early age. But as the child grows older he learns to wait, and according to his ability at the time and the urgency of his need, he will, more or less, succeed in displaying some patience. Note the "urgency of the need," for the greater it is the more discipline must be exercised to bear the tension. This lack of tension capacity can be seen everywhere.

Come with me now into a crowded restaurant. A middle aged man sits down at our table, and hardly is he seated when he calls the waiter without even first consulting the menu. It so happens that this particular waiter does not include our table in his allo­cation, and on this being pointed out to the impatient individual, who, let us assume, is not in any hurry, he shows annoyance; but he is unable to contain himself and calls out to another waiter. When he does come along, after having attended to other earlier patrons, he is "told off" for his dilatoriness, then an order is given for some dish that will take at least ten minutes to prepare accord­ing to the menu. In spite of this he unreasonably expects to be served almost without delay, and not being so he seeks out the supervisor, who has to exercise tact, without being unfair to the waiters, when dealing with such refractory people. Now our man, not being in any hurry to take his departure, sips his coffee, lights a cigar and reads his paper.

Many times have I witnessed such impatient behavior via: the inability to wait a reasonable time for the need to be satisfied. Here we have the conduct of a very young child, which is normal or natural enough at that stage of development, but quite out of place later in life. Such people have not grown up; they have not become true adults; they are not fully mature mentally.

OBJECT-SUBJECT

"I" in grammar is the "subject," whilst the person referred or spoken to is the "object." This is all right and proper so far as grammar is concerned, but not in our dealings with our fellow-men, as we shall see.

Let us start with a husband and his wife. He correctly feels that he is a subject in his own right. How many times in the day does he use the first personal pronoun "I?" But his wife equally uses it too, and why not; is she not a subject too in her own right? Yet her husband unwittingly treats her as an OBJECT, an object of his love, an object of his support, an object of looking after his needs, and, occasionally, an object of his hatred, an object of this that and the other. But is the wife any the less guilty; does she not too, look upon her husband as an object in more or less the same way? And does she not treat him as such?

Then there are the children. How many of us ever give a thought to the fact that they also are subjects no less than our­selves, each possessing his or her own intelligence and individuality. Yet, are they not treated very much like OBJECTS, objects of love, objects of expense, objects of worry, of annoyance, etc., etc? Indeed they are—to their great detriment. What about the slave market—one of the most outstanding examples of human beings being treated as objects? What about the present-day colour bar in this respect and employers and employees each viewing the other as objects?

How greatly the health and happiness of all of us would improve if only we remembered to treat each other as subjects, notwithstanding our differences, which after all, make us indiv­iduals for then tolerance and understanding would be exercised. What vexations, distresses and anxieties and anger, would be spared by recognizing that excessive egocentricity can be responsible for these obnoxious emotional states so inimical to our well-being.

Attaining and maintaining health is not just a matter of diet alone. One becomes heartily sick of the word when it is over emphasized—as if diet by ITSELF was the end and be all of one's existence! Of course sensible feeding is of great importance, but without a happy, optimistic disposition it is not of much use, for it is not WHAT one puts into the stomach that matters, but what the tummy is able to make of the food when it is there. So let us try to be predominantly objective in our everyday behavior, so that our activities may be constructive and uplifting. Let us treat each other as SUBJECTS and not as mere objects, and lastly, but by no means of less importance, let us cultivate mental tension capacity, so that we may learn how to wait with patience in an easy, relaxed state of mind.

For those who are desirous of ridding themselves of undue mental and physical tension, may I recommend them to read the last chapter of my book "Curative Hypnosis" on "Meditative Relaxation."

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